No secret alt-text


This year and I had the pleasure of participating in the 24-Hour Theatre Project as a playwright instead of my usual role of actor.

Hey, dork-dick! What’s a Twentyfloor blah blah beer shots?

The 24-Hour Theatre Project is part of the Hormel Festival of New Plays and Musicals at Phoenix Theatre. It is a challenge where 6 playwrights, 6 director teams, and a random amount of actors (dressed in costume of their choosing with prop of their choosing) are matched up into 6 teams by drawing names out of a bucket. The playwrights then run of to write a 10-min play that uses their actors and props in any way they see fit. They turn in their play and then the directors use the next 12 hours to rehearse ending with a performance in front of a sold-out house that closes the play festival.

Sounds like a dork-dick dick-dorking competition. Beer me bro.

Sure. Dork-dick doesn’t even make sense. They mean the same thing.

Psh, yeah!

Okay then!

Here was my personal timeline:

6:15pm: Arrive at the theatre for the 6:30 call time. I was there early so naturally I played it cool by pacing back and forth nervously and mumbling to myself. Classic.

6:30-7:00pm: All of the other actors, playwrights, and directors arrive. Again, staying with my always cool-calm-and-collected demeanor I doubled down on the pacing and isolated mumbling. Classic. High-Five.

7:00:7:30pm: We are all brought to the stage and divided into teams. Then a short break for introductions and pictures. Here was my team:

Spoiler: It's gonna be porn

Outsides: Directing team (2). Center: Cast (3) In the back: Dork-Dick

A directing team that specializes in sketch comedy. 3 actors I just met in the above costumes with their props (Bone, watering can, tiki thing).

Here we go!


8:00pm-12:50am: Sitting at a coffee shop/bar/night club? writing out several index cards with possible plots, story lines, and high-brow-political-monocle-adjusting dick jokes. Here’s a totally candid picture of me showing off one of the before mentioned dick jokes.

Yeah, that's to scale!

Chicks dig organization!


Once I choose a plot to commit to (and change constantly) I wrote out my first draft. Here’s another candid photo of my finished draft.


Where you going?

Get it? It’s a joke about his inability to please his sexual partner because of his penis size! Genius!


1:00-2:30am: Editing, reviewing, formatting, and feverishly rubbing my thighs suggestively. Once my script was finished and my hands were raw, I turned in my script. My part is done! Now to slip into an unrestful sleep of fever dreams and self-doubt. Classic! Fist bump!


Now the directing team and actors take over

6:00-7:00am: Directors arrive and get the script. They then try to make sense of it, curse the writer, attempt to quit and then collect themselves before they lie to the actors about the great script they got.

7:00am-6:30pm: Rehearse, memorize, panic, repeat.

7:00pm: Six 10-mintue plays are performed to close the festival! Much drinking, sleep walking, and celebration! Such wow.

...Not! Sick burn!

Cancel your gym membership because you’re about to get a laugh-induced six pack!

I’ll see if anyone wants to send me their script to post, but for now you can read my entry. Of the 6 plays, there were 5 comedies and this:

Selfish Flowers

Enjoy! Or don’t. whatever.