Dear World,on April 9, 2011 at 5:55 pm
Does anyone else feel like their birthday is just another day when a payment is due for a bill? “Oh shit, it’s Will’s birthday. I guess I had better write that check to pay him off until next year.”
No, you deserve gifts on your birthday!
Okay, there are so many things wrong with that sentence.
1. Why do I deserve gifts on my birthday? It wasn’t my choice to be born and it took no effort on my part! If anything, each year I should send my mother a gift to apologize for the pain I caused her and a 6-pack to my father for the disappointment I caused him. Or does the effort come from staying alive another year? I mean, we don’t celebrate birthdays after death do we? (Celebrities/Presidents notwithstanding) More people stay alive each year than die, so why celebrate the ordinary? We should sooner celebrate the anniversary of my graduation from college! It took dedication, a lot of effort, and time. That would be deserved.
2. That word, “deserved”, I don’t like it. You can’t deserve gifts! If I deserve something—meaning I warrant the receiving of it, wouldn’t that be payment and not a gift? If my place of work ever said, “Oh, here is your giftcheck for the week. Good job!” I think I’d be too busy lighting the place on fire to hear “Good job!”
As some of you readers know, my day job is that of an actor. I do staged plays and commercials for money and teach to help supplement that when I can. While I may not be famous or even that successful, I do get the occasional review. But, much like the review of my stand-up at Space 55, it is not terribly positive.
“If there was just one quibble in the lineup, it’s of Templeton the rat. Although an enthusiastic presence on stage, Will Hightower’s self-serving Templeton could be a more calculating menace to keep us wondering if he’ll do right in the end.
Instead, we probably would trust him with our wallet. Storybook or not, a rat is a rat, and a bit of dark in all this light would provide just enough contrast to Wilbur’s cheeriness. Instead, Hightower’s Templeton is too hyperactive and screechy.”
Anyway, I’ve got more important things to worry about! Like my next show, Abraham Lincoln’s Big, Gay Dance Party!
“I don’t think, until the end, I had read a positive review…”
~Will Friedle (Fun Fact: He was on a radio show I had back in college!)